Put Yourself First For a Change

by Kiara Era - November 23, 2022

Sometimes it's hard to live in the times we live in. Constant stress, busy lifestyle, lack of time for yourself... All this affects our physical, mental and emotional health. In our desire to do more things at once, we completely forget about the fact that we need free time to spend only on ourselves and our relaxation.

Nowadays, career is very important for a large number of people. We leave our energy at work and by the time we get home, it's already spent, mostly on things that don't interest us and that we do just to pay the bills. But that is not all. When we finally get home from a stressful job, we have to take care of family, children, housework and other obligations. Where is the time for us?

Most people find it selfish to think of themselves. Precisely for this reason, such people believe that it is necessary to constantly sacrifice for the benefit of others, while neglecting their own needs. The irony is that with their self-sacrifice they only harm others.

When we have a typical mother who excessively puts her children first and who subordinates her whole life to them only, such a mother will not get much respect from her children. Why? Because she doesn't respect herself. Her children will serve as a mirror in which she will see her reflection. But before that, she will feel like a victim, wondering what she did to deserve such treatment and why no one appreciates it. She will become resentful because her friend's children behave completely differently and she won't understand why that is, yet she was a "much better mother"! In the end, she will begin to blame her children for everything she has done for them and for being so ungrateful to her, and it will be difficult for her to understand that she has been stifling her children and their development all along with her actions. Also, we often see examples in a partnership where one party constantly adapts to the other, thinking that time will be more loving. But the result is always the opposite, isn't it?

It's time to make a big analysis of our way of life. Why are we the way we are? Where does the root of our fears come from?

It is necessary to ask why we want to constantly please others? Why do we need control? Is it because of an unconscious fear of failure, of loneliness? Maybe because of a feeling of inferiority? Have we ever received an indirect message from our parents that we are not that important, that others are always more important and we must put them before ourselves? Maybe if we don't focus on other people, it will mean that we have to be with ourselves for a change, and the thought of that is scary.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to dedicate ourselves to others and help them. Actually, sometimes really excessive self-focus can indicate narcissism so it is necessary to find a balance between self-focus and focusing on others.

Have you already "taken your five minutes", drank a cup of tea and relaxed on a sofa today?